sept 2008pg3

Archive – September 20080 commentsDear Auntie Slacker:
Posted Sep-22-08 14:03:24 PDT Updated Sep-23-08 00:53:52 PDTDear Auntie Slacker,

If you could write the perfect book on being a parent, what would you say?



Dear Parent,

The book would have three pages.

The first page would say this:

“…I love you like an elastic waistband loves a stomach full of a Happy Thanksgiving dinner. Happy to stretch to hold all the love…”

The second page would say:

“…The most important words in any language are:




“Thank you”,

“I’m sorry”,

“I don’t know but we can figure it out.”

and the most important words,

“I love you”.

Say these all the time and never give up.”

And the third page would say this:

“The most valuable gifts a person can have are friends and family. More important than silver and gold.”

That’s about it.

Hugs to you,

Auntie Slacker


Bette Midler

You Gotta Have Friends.

And the GirlScout song.

“Make new friends but keep the old

One is silver and the other gold…”

Life is complicated. Eat desert first.


Click here for more Dear Auntie Slacker.

Auntie Slacker solving the world’s problems since at least last Tuesday…

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8 commentsDear Auntie Slacker.
Posted Sep-22-08 10:20:24 PDT

Whoo Hoo.

Auntie Slacker is back in today.

Apparently some of the folks at 12 dogs are idiots. Auntie is going to try to help them but I dunno what she can do to help. Especially AuthorAnn. (signed JRussell, intern)

Let’s see first letter.

Dear Auntie,

I was told that being addicted to sex is wrong and needs therapy.

I’m a sexually addicted to my husband.

Is this really a problem?



Dear Perplexed,

It’s better than being sexually addicted to your pool boy.


JRussell, intern, word processing person at 12 dogs and future Auntie Slacker. teehee. sorry Auntie

Now for Auntie’s reply.

Dear Perplexed,

Being sexually addicted to your husband is a problem?

Not in my neck of the woods it ain’t.

Matter of fact it’s the most fun you can have with another human being without getting yourself arrested.

My advice?

Use that advice column to start a romantic fire in the fire place or line the bottom of the bird cage.

Then go have fun.

Best regards,

Auntie Slacker

Dear Auntie Slacker,

Have you seen AuthorAnn’s Ferguson Experiment?

What the heck?


JRussell, (intern)

Dear JRussell,

Hmmppfff. Some intern you are. I asked you to get Auntie a cup of coffee with two sugars and a cinamon bun. You came back in with a coffee black and a copy of Weight Watchers Magazine. I asked to go pick up the laundry and you took 4 hours, came back tanned, and blamed it on traffic. Now you want to give Author Ann grief?

First, Author Ann is trying to find the “perfect traveling companion”. In order to do so she is taking advice from Oprah. To find the perfect “traveling companion” you first have to know yourself. Since Craig Ferguson makes her laugh and since she thinks he is just terrific, she thought that she’d study just why that is. Then? She’s gonna write about it.

Which is a heck of alot more industrious than you are ya slacker. Now, JRussell, Auntie does love ya’ for your slacker tendency. You aren’t boring. But even us slacker types have to do a bit of work. Keeps us out of trouble. Besides tell truth, don’t you like Author Ann. She’s a bit ernest sure but well she’s a lovable sort. I’m keeping her and you’re to quit being so mean to her.

I’m not kidding.

Now back to work knave…

Auntie Slacker

Dear Auntie Slacker,

In a fit of stupidity, I told someone who I’ve grown fond of how to write. They took it to mean that I thought that they didn’t have an original thought in there head. I just meant that it made me uncomfortable to talk to my own words. Otherwise, I love their quotes. Now I am afraid that they won’t ever talk to me again.

I’m finding this a most uncomfortable feeling.

I want to send them an email saying the following:

“…Oh and one more thing missy.

I find that I would miss you should there be no Taloolah emails AND I am highly uncomfortable when I hurt your feelings. Not good. I hope that you don’t take a long time to forgive. Or at least if you do you just don’t do the silent treatment thing. I really hate that.

Really, really, really, really, really, really, really hate that.


Because I would miss you.


I said it again.


Come on Taloolah. I had a fuss with my mom, got to see the perfect traveling companion. A man who has a line out the door of beautiful women who’d love to meet him. Pup is going to spend all his free time between now and Christmas begging for a computer game (drip drip drip), I have either made a fool of myself or done good this weekend. I’m about to muck out the kennels which means a fun morning of mud, dog hair, dog poop, and doggy lap time for pups. And now– now— I have offended you.

Not the best of weekends.

I am sorry.”

We are pretty new to this friendship thing. Being so far apart we really only have words to communicate. Sometimes? Words fail.

Do you think that the above email will help?

Maybe I should leave out the missy part?

I sure hope that my stupid mouth hasn’t messed up again.

I said that I was sorry and that it was entirely my fault.

Thing is sometimes words and I’m sorry aren’t enough.

I could use the help here.

Author Ann

Dear Author Ann,


I happen to know you.

That is a fortunate and unfortunate thing.

The fortunate?

Well I know that you can be sharp tongued and blunt. I appreciate it this characteristic very much. I know that you are only this way with two types of folks. Folks who you think are full of “it” and are wasting your time and folks who you like very much. You seem to have placed this person in the friend column. So I know that you have said what you said to be honest. Auntie just wishes sometime you could sugar coat it a bit.

But I know you and that is the unfortunate part.

This will worry you to no end. Because deep down you have a kind heart and you can’t stand to hurt a friend. You could send this email but if you’ve apologised already I’d let it go. If this person is a friend they’ll appreaciate the fact that you wouldn’t have intentionally or callously tried to hurt them. They won’t make you suffer either.

Hugs to you kiddo. I wish you were a lot more like old Auntie. Tough, tough, tough. But the world needs you too. Silly and weird and tender and tough too. I’m sure that if this person is a friend that they won’t make you suffer too long. And if they don’t well no harm. Auntie and all the characters here at 12 dogs will pester you out of your funk.

Now back to writing Ann.

Auntie Slacker.

Dear Auntie Slacker,

Where in the heck have you been? Why haven’t you been writing your column.


Welcome Back.

Dear Welcome Back,

Well Auntie had a pretty good summer break.

Actually thought of retiring until now.

But well, after seeing just this months activities I though it best to stick around for another year.

Don’t forget to register to vote kiddies!

Best regards,

Auntie Slacker.

Auntie Slacker solving the worlds problems since last Tuesday.

Next Stop:

The Ferguson Experiment
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6 commentsThe Ferguson Experiment
Posted Sep-21-08 22:08:16 PDT Updated Sep-22-08 09:26:25 PDTtitle of project is… Why Craig Ferguson makes me laugh.
hypothesis is…. What does Craig Ferguson do to make me laugh?
materials used are… YouTube, a computer, the internet, and well Craig Ferguson.
research….observation of Mr Ferguson and documenting the time when I laugh.
variables…. I dunno.
data collected… TBD
results… TBD

This experiment is designed to help me figure out why Craig Ferguson makes me laugh. In this experiment I will view the Late Late Show and note when he made me learn and document which section makes me laugh. I will then compare them to look for similarites in humor and tempermant in general

Hey and happy Sunday to you.

Thank you Taloolah. For making me laugh last night even when I didn’t want to. If you weren’t female? You’d be the perfect guy. But ya’ know, since you aren’t? You might just make the perfect friend.

Of course, I’m the pessimistic optimist. I figure that there’s a Lucy moment coming. *~*

I hope not.


Hellos to Bengal, barb, and Richo. Thanks for coming by to visit.

Richo, I’m looking forward to seeing your work. Next month Atlanta, Georgia celebrates a month of photography. You should try to link your website with the Atlanta festival. I think you can and it is free.

Take care, Ann

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4 commentsHey and happy Sunday to you.
Posted Sep-21-08 15:11:36 PDT Updated Sep-21-08 16:01:42 PDT

Hmmm. Hi ya. How goes it. Interesting weekend for me. Good things and really bad things happened. I saw Craig Ferguson in concert. I really did. I don’t normally want to know a magician’s tricks. I don’t want to see behind the scenes of some television shows. Craig Ferguson is the exception.

I wonder about him, ” Who are you? ”

I’m trying to figure out how it is he makes me laugh even when I don’t want too. I could make an antidote for the insanity of the world.

That was the good part of the weekend.

The bad part?

There was such a turmoil to get there. I missed part of the concert as a result. I had a case of “terrible sense of direction”. It was awful. I got lost.

The next morning I met some interesting people and got to have a conversation. I love conversation but am woefully out of practice. It would be good to once again have the luxury. That’s why I love to read Tryork’s blogs. Because they make me think. Quick, quick. I’m in awe of the regulars ability to think so quick on their feet. Maybe with practice I could enter the world of conversation again. Only I don’t want to forget my heart and kindness this time.

I woke up thinking about what had happened this weekend. Found an email from Talloolah. Then, of course, wrote about it. The result is rough and rambles a bit. I’m trying to suss stuff out. It is definately self absorbed. It’s in a good way though. You have to go through self analysis in order to grow. This was certainly a growing experience for me.

It has to do with finding a “traveling companion”.

You can’t know how much I crave a “traveling companion”. Someone who talks to me. Someone to love and be loved by. Someone who marvels and fusses with the world. They don’t have to agree with me all the time (no one does) but they do have to like and love me. I’m told I’m not an easy person to love.

Anyway, here’s the result. It’s long and for Taloolah. It’s also for Newt if she ever comes back here again. It’s also for my “traveling companion” should they ever wonder in here someday.

So I woke up this morning and …

Take care Gentle Reader,

Hugs to us all.

Author Ann


Montgomery Gentry

Roll With Me

I don’t have access to this video but it’s worth the effort.

It’s a good message for a Sunday.

Only I disagree with the knowing ahead of time. Otherwise quite a song.

I have things to do now. Comments are On but hidden.

Works like an answering machine. Back later. Ann



I was riding down the interstate in Georgia yesterday. So many cars and lanes. Everyone going so fast. I asked a man about it. He said that they all drive fast and they all have somewhere to go. Kind of like life.
Made sense.

AnnComment|Report this post
0 commentsSo I woke up this morning and …
Posted Sep-21-08 14:37:12 PDT Updated Sep-21-08 15:12:31 PDT…found an email from Talooolah.

“cya….when you are awake…”

Talloolah, if you were only a guy…

So I wrote back

(edited for public consumption and additional info)

“Hey ya. So I woke up. Oh, how I’m not a fan of a morning like this. The mornings after you wonder if you’ve messed up. It’s those mornings where you have to do the inventory of the things that are actually going right in your life.

So I did.

So far?

I have Pup and the pups.
I have WB as a friend.
I have an internet friend (that’s you Taloolah) who I don’t know who she is or what she’s up to most of the time.
I have the knowledge of my past. Sort of.
I can write.
I am an American which even with all life’s problems is still to me better than anywhere else.
I have a blog entitled 12 dogs and a blog that is anything but about my dogs. I don’t even have 12 dogs. Go figure.
And something strange. When I go out into the world people are talking to me. People who used to look at me as if I came out from under a rock now talk to me.
And they are listening.
I’m not sure what to make of it.
You don’t know really know me Taloolah. I’m someone that a person is going to have to love “inspite of” because I hear that I’m a “f8ck up”. At least that’s what I’ve been told.

Thing is I’m not.

I’m just not domestic. I’m in awe of the folks who run a house like clock work. I really am. I’m just not that person. I’m not a fashion plate. More excentric. And I want to be a writer which is, next to motherhood and actors and the person who cleans public toilets, one of those thankless jobs of life.

I have to have a pretty special “traveling companion”. Not just anyone will do. They won’t survive my life. I do need “traveling companion” Talloolah.

I need someone who talks back but not yells back. Someone who says their peace. Who has an opinion on life and what is going on in the world. Even if we disagree on the “fine print” of the matter. A good negotiator. If someone is going to be a Sphinx then they had better have a riddle. Someone who can take a deep breath when I’m on my own version of “Margarita time” (<private joke not the drink). Someone who for some inexplicable reason just loves me till death but who is good for me. Healthy for me.

Tryork said that he made his wife laugh even when she didn't want to. I smiled when I read that. Relieved. It's not easy to be creative. It's even more difficult to be married to the creative. You just have to love them because the nature of the job is just so not 9 to 5. I'm a big fan of Tryork and his blog. Now I am a big fan of Try's wife too. She had the good sense to say "yes" to Tryork.

I'd like my own version of Tryork's wife. Someone who loves and encourages and puts up with me.

This weekend I went on a bit of an adventure.

I know that to some it looks like I messed up. They are correct in some ways. If I would act in my best interest, I would have maybe handled things differently. I certainly know how. Thing is I'm kind of new to actually having my own voice. It's strange to hear it. Like the first time you hear yourself make a speech and you kind of freeze. I really wonder now why me? In person, I can trip over my words. Look goofy. Maybe that's why I'm here because I can look goofy. It's okay. My sensibility is like the part in Funny Girl where Fanny Brice sings her first song in the Zeigfield Follies. She's asked later why she did what she did. People laughed at her. She corrected them. Said that they would have laughed at her if she'd tried to be a "beautiful Ziegfield girl". Instead they laughed along with her not at her. They laughed because it was funny and she was the author. There is a difference.

Maybe I am just marching to my own drummer or "playing my own game". I heard Craig Ferguson say that on his show. He and his father were playing, I guess snooker or pool, and his father used break the rack with such force. His father was playing his own game. Not crazy or incompetent. Everyone has a saving grace in their life. Playing his own game may have been Mr. Ferguson's saving grace. So much responsibility for him. I could be wrong. This was just an impression I got from the story of course. It's like WB playing Christmas music in July. Non comformity in a suit in a very responsible world.

So many things that I want to write about Talloolah. My experiences. To explain what I've seen.

But I wonder?

Is it a siren's song,
a Mother Teresa moment,
a carrot on a stick,

or real opportunity to help?

I learned in school that not all gifts are free. Life sure has shown that to me. You can become so addicted to your own importance (power) that it keeps you from hearing others voices or your heart. It's why I think that the "ordinary president" would be a good for our country. So the folks up there in power won't forget the ordinary things that make up life. While they are striving to do the great things.

Pup and dogs miss me when I'm gone and they love me too.

They are my family and they are a great deal of my life. They always will be.

Pup isn't a baby anymore. It's not like when he was younger. He is old enough to understand my life choices in a way he couldn't have when he was younger. He's going to go out into the world and that's going to leave me here alone if I'm not careful. Bitter, old, and alone with dogs for company. Not good.

I am a person in my own right but I have a family that I love. For so long I chose one over the other. Surely I don't have to do that now. But I wonder too:

How do I proceed and keep my soul and family intact?

This weekend I saw the nicest thing. I saw a fella tell someone he loved her. He just hugged her neck and said it. He said, "I don't just like this woman, I love her" and then he just hugged her. Right out of the blue. I kind of thought that she was surprised to hear it. I thought how much I'd like that to happen to me.

I'm tired of being "alone" Taloolah. I really and truely am.

I'm looking for my "traveling companion". This person, my traveling companion, would be my sounding board. My reality check. My life raft in life. My partner in marveling at the world. They'd be my husband. That's why they can't be female. Please remember that Fate.

No lectures about full lives and WB and friendships being nourishing or how I need to broaden my horizon or how my real life is what's happening in the moment or how I'll wake up and think how lucky I am and deal. I'm lonely for companionship and –well –you know. That's not going to happen with the situation that I have now and none of this other is helping.

I'm sure that both the gentleman and gentlewoman that I met this weekend have friends and family. But I wonder. Would you tell them to do without each other because they already had family and friends? Me neither.

That's what I'm talking about. It's not being grateful for what you have or wanting a fantasy beyond your reach. It's about company as you grow older. A partner. Plus, I'm American. We don't have a European class system. I'm as good as anyone here.

I'm asking Fate for one more try. I'm complicated, motivated, and scared to death but I'm nice too. Kind.

Mercy knows I don't want to become "a bitter, old woman with dogs".

I'm buying another ticket. Only this time I will be my own person. I hope that my "traveling companion" will wait for me. I hope that it's not too late.

More soon.


PS. You'd think with all this that there wouldn't be a PS but there is always a PS. So–

I miss Newt. I know that I didn't really know her but I loved to read what she wrote.

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3 commentsHappy music for Friday morning.
Posted Sep-18-08 19:50:13 PDT Updated Sep-19-08 05:26:10 PDT

HAPPY FRIDAY * Dr. Dog * Hang On *

music reminds me of New Orleans

Everyone has a Saving Grace.

Have a happy
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1 commentPublic service announcement….
Posted Sep-18-08 10:54:21 PDT Updated Sep-19-08 01:21:12 PDT
The New South's Answer to Eudora Welty
We're happy to bring this blog out to see the light of day. It makes us laugh. Mind you, not before we feel bad for those who suffer this condition.

Please all hang yer head in the position of seriousness and respect.

And stop yer giggling.

No sleep tonight. 😀

Hang on. you did click the Hemorrhoid theBlog link?? If you didn't you're missing somethings


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0 commentsNo sleep tonight.
Posted Sep-18-08 04:08:30 PDT Updated Sep-18-08 04:44:41 PDT

No one sleeps, no one sleeps…
Even you, o Princess
In your cold room,
Watch the stars,

Nessun Dorma from Turandot…

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0 commentsSo the next day Auntie Found a Note.
Posted Sep-18-08 04:07:14 PDT Updated Sep-18-08 19:24:56 PDTDear Auntie Slacker,

Water the plants and feed the dogs. I'm

taking the time off and actually looking

forward to it.

Let's just call it my Ferris Bueller Moment

and hope for all of us that it's good, clean


Thanks for the advice.

AuthorAnn !!! <Click Me

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Posted Sep-16-08 16:33:02 PDT Updated Sep-16-08 16:41:02 PDT

Click Me !!!

!!! !!! !!! !!! !!! !!! !!!

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Posted Sep-16-08 15:33:20 PDT Updated Sep-16-08 16:39:20 PDT

Click Me !!!

!!! !!! !!! !!! !!! !!!

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4 commentsWith 50,000 you get?
Posted Sep-16-08 13:59:27 PDT Updated Sep-16-08 16:42:04 PDTA Hug.

Thank you Newt for being the first to post at 12 dogs and thanks RachRooh for being the 50,000th. Thank you Talooolah for being Taloolah!


ironchassis ( 65)
Member since: Nov-11-04 12:07:45 PST
Location: United States

Thank you Gentle Readers.


Hey Newt

Click Me !!!

!!! !!! !!! !!! !!! !!! !!!
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2 commentsAnyone seen Newt?
Posted Sep-16-08 13:04:53 PDT Updated Sep-16-08 16:43:02 PDT"He stood there a long time, hands on the railing staring into the darkness. He smiled to himself and turned and in that moment he knew he would never again compromise his dreams for a tedious and boring safety. All was right in his world now and in his soul. He whistled softly to himself and smiled and nodded at the poeple passing by and his eyes shone with a light that moments before had been extinguished. "

by newt loves rock

I haven't seen newt loves rock around for a while now. The blog is gone.

Newt. If you're out there. Thank you for reading my blog. I hope that you're doing great.

Rest of 12 dogs?

In the middle of the night….

Click Me !!!

!!! !!! !!! !!! !!! !!! !!!
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1 commentIn the middle of the night………..
Posted Sep-16-08 12:38:50 PDT Updated Sep-16-08 16:44:06 PDT

How do you look …

like TheTingTings???

Click Me !!!

!!! !!! !!!

!!! !!! !!! !!!
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1 commentIn the middle of the night….I "get" The TingTings
Posted Sep-16-08 07:16:22 PDT Updated Sep-17-08 14:30:28 PDTHow do you sing …

like The TingTings???

That's Not My Name

Click Me !!!

!!! !!! !!! !!! !!! !!! !!!


Swing batter. batter swwiiiiiiinnnnnnnng… if you've just come here from the "Dancing in the Moonlight".

Man, oh, man.

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12 commentsCross dressing Pandas for Nadar
Posted Sep-16-08 03:44:34 PDT Updated Sep-16-08 16:46:59 PDTWhat does a candidate have to do to become president?

Sometimes I think I have to dress up like a panda, go to the zoo, and make eyes at the lady Pandas…


Uh he's Ralph Nadar and I guess he approves this message.

(For the real Ralph Nadar, look for other videos after this message from Ralph and his feathery friend…)

Don't worry Ralph. Rainy days and Mondays might get you down but if Paul Williams could get Marilyn McCoo, you can get someone too *~*

And In the middle of the night may we all get our tail feathers "ruffled"

Click Me !!!

!!! !!! !!! !!! !!! !!! !!!

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